The Black Belle (2010)

 Directed by Brian McGuire

Starring Natasha Alam and Terry Wayne

Runtime 84min. - Not Rated (Obscene)

3 Stars (out of 4)

The Black Belle is now available over on the IndieRights YouTube channel for $2.99.

Duval and Wayne out of character

"The Black Belle" opens with Franklin (Wayne) sitting on a park bench. He's approached by James Duval (playing himself) who sits next to him. Apparently Duval has been getting some sexual healing from Franklin's girlfriend Belle (Alam). Franklin restrains from violence but makes many threats. He explains that Belle is more than a girlfriend. He says that they have a spiritual bond due to a rich history which he divulges in full detail. Duval is extremely apologetic. "Absolutely never would I have intercourse with a woman who's involved with another man." pleads Duval. I wasn't sure it was a comedy until a particular line was spoken by Duval on the topic of his indiscretion: "My personal feelings about shit like this?" - long pause - "Is that it's fucked up."

Belle ain't ugly.

The film doesn't take a predictable narrative path. It basically consists of vignettes that are tied together by a few recurring characters. The most important of these, of course, is Belle even though she doesn't have a line until the film's finale. You could say that Belle is an object of desire. I'd definitely degree that she's an object. I'm uncertain if she's desirable. Beautiful? Absolutely. She's striking, gorgeous and seductive. The only reason I wouldn't desire her is the fact she sleeps with everyone. I mean everyone. If she finds a person even mildly attractive she ends up in bed with them.

These nerds fight over Belle.

The whole film is funny, but I thought the strongest vignettes were at the beginning. After the park bench scene we're introduced to a couple of young nerdy men. One of them is sleeping with Belle. The other claims to only have a spiritual relationship with her, but he's obviously lying. Franklin pursues them in his car and they are forced to hide in the closest pub. Thanks to magic movie coincidence, the pub is populated with B-list actors. They may be talented, but not household names. James Duval is among them, along with Ron Jeremy, Rodney Eastman, Jason London and Robert Rusler. All of them play fictionalized versions of themselves. At least I hope it's fictionalized. The nerds recognize them all by their films and end up in conversation with them. The subject of that conversation is weird sex stories. One of the actors starts with a story about a dog licking his asshole. Does it really matter what the others said? All of them have nasty stories but they don't really top the first one. You would think Ron Jeremy could write a book on the subject but his story is the least interesting. It involves masturbation and feces. 'Nuff said. So what do these nasty stories have to do with the plot? Not a damn thing. Actually, the plot itself moves along at a snails pace, but the film is kept afloat with pages of dirty dialogue.

James Duval tells a story about a women who gave him oral sex in a public restroom. Not weird in itself, but she also peed on the floor when he reached a climax. This story rings a bell to the nerd who's been sleeping with Belle. Suddenly he realizes that his jealous friend must have given away his location to Franklin. The boys fight while the actors laugh. The pair leave just in time to miss Franklin's entrance. He sees James Duval and starts getting tough. Before he can do any harm the other actors beat him joyously.

Director Brian McGuire (right).

The next vignette sees two men wake up in a "Hangover" situation. They are in bed with Belle, but they don't know her name, or how they got there, or if they had sex with her. There's nothing particularly wrong with the vignette, it's just not as funny as the first two. One of the two men is played by the film's director Brian McGuire. He should be applauded for taking on the role. Throwing himself into such an absurd and embarrassing role should have earned him respect from the cast and crew. James Duval isn't in this scene, but the two men find a picture of him in one of Belle's photo albums.

The final act sees Belle on the hunt. In an effort to keep their relationship honest, Belle and Franklin head to a swingers' party. Belle is more than ready for some casual anonymous sex. Franklin claims to be on the same page but is instantly jealous when Mark Boone Junior starts hitting on his girl. Junior is referred to as "Big Bear" but I prefer to think of it as another self-portrayal. Franklin is also a little perturbed by the other swingers referring to Belle only as "The Man-eater". If I go any further I risk giving away the plot entirely. That wouldn't be a huge sin though, because the plot's not the driving force behind the film. I will just say that James Duval has a producer's credit on the film and I think the ending means he got his money's worth.

The film really is funny from beginning to end. Only those with a strong stomach will laugh though. It's certainly not for the conservative, prudish types. Despite having some name actors, this is a low-budget movie. The production value isn't bad, but it's obvious that the film is a labor of love. It seems to me that it was made by a group of friends for their own enjoyment. I doubt they care if I enjoyed it or not. I did though, and many others will as well.