Arizona Seaside (2007)

Directed by Jens Pilegaard
Starring Roy Werner and Alexandra Hunter
Runtime 94min. - Not Rated
2.5 Stars (out of 4)

"Arizona Seaside" is part of IndieRights' YouTube and is available on Amazon Instant video.

The DVD cover for "Arizona Seaside" features all of its main characters drawn as caricatures. The colorful portrayals make perfect sense after seeing the film. The characters are all cartoonish stereotypes with exaggerated voices and fashion sense. In a low-budget movie of this type there are generally some actors whose inexperience shows. There are also those actors who have a real shot at hitting it big and are using the film as a stepping stone. When a movie is full of loud and occasionally obscene characters the difference between these groups is magnified. Still, it's hard for me to fault someone who is trying their best when I know they're still learning. If I'm being honest, I'd rather have a mediocre performance in an indie film than a good performance on an amateur movie blog.


The movie has a plot, but it gets a bit overshadowed by the performances. The heroine of the film is a Kazakhstani woman, Elena (Hunter) who is lured over to the U.S. by criminals who promise to help her make it as a country singer in Nashville. The other protagonist cons old women out of there money by telling them they are saving animals who are scheduled to be euthanized. Actually, he may not be conning them. He may actually be helping animals. George (Werner) carries a pet bearded dragon who he tends to like an infant, so its possible his interest in animal well-being is genuine. I was never clear on that point. Anyway, George and Elena meet on an old dusty road in Arizona. She's hitchhiking and George passes her by without a thought. In a classic case of cinematic karma, George's car breaks down a few seconds later. This sets them on a long strange path together.

The villains of "Arizona Seaside" are equally offbeat. Big Daddy Johnson (Richard Thorne) is an organized criminal who distributes prescription drugs and probably is involved with other unmentioned crime. Big Daddy is a cowboy who expresses himself with "woo-hoos" and endless cowboy idioms. When he's not getting pedicures from pretty Asian girls he spends quality time with his pet turtle. Big Daddy's right hand man is named Sawtooth and has sharpened metal crowns that he uses to bite off the fingers of those who don't pay. I'm assuming that Sawtooth is Haitian based on his look, but I don't think it's every verbally confirmed. After a long day of biting fingers he likes to unwind with James Cagney movies.

A separate criminal mastermind named Tony T-bone (Richard Wilkinson) enjoys steaks more than fingers. He's eating in most of the scenes in which he appears. I believe T-bone owns some sort of beef business and I'm not sure what his main criminal enterprise is. I can tell you that he carves a "T" in to people's butt-cheeks when they wrong him. T-bone is British and speaks with so much slang that only his inflection gives away the meaning. He apparently gets this trait from his mother. When the two of them speak we are helpfully provided interpreted subtitles. T-bones second-in-command is Jamaican. Imagine the most stereotypical Jamaican man possible. That's him. He does provide some laughs when he attempts his boss' Brit-speak.

The peripheral characters aren't left out of the gimmicky fun. There's one diner in town whose owner has an extra-audible case of irritable bowel syndrome. The Seaside Motel is owned by an Indian couple who produce methamphetamine in the back of their lobby. The motel's permanent resident is an older gentlemen who believes he is fighting a war in the tropics and that the owners are native servants. Early on there's a scene where a Latino drug dealer sings Italian opera as loud as possible. It lets you know what you're in for.

The story is told in a non-linear fashion. One moment we're in the present and the next we're "3 weeks earlier". I don't think there are any two scenes in chronological order. There are some notations to let the viewer know exactly where and when the scene is taking place, but it's just not enough. The idea behind this kind of storytelling is to show things in order of relevancy. It's tricky to keep the audience on the same page and there are times when "Arizona Seaside" is in a different book.

Despite the timeline confusion and some terrible accents, "Arizona Seaside" is still fun to watch. The characters are so over-the-top that you can't help but laugh. I usually avoid spoiling the endings to movies, but I'll make an exception here. The good guys win. If you watch the film, so do you.