The Avengers (2012) - A Negative Review

Directed by Joss Whedon
Starring Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood
Runtime 143min. - Rated PG-13
3.5 Stars (out of 4)

There are currently 497 external reviews posted to IMDB along with 1,057 user reviews. Those numbers render whatever I have to say pretty much pointless. So let me start out by saying that the film was a lot of fun. It was one of the best theater experiences in the past few years. You all know why; effects, humor, aliens, superheroes. There's no sense in me rehashing the other 1500+ reviews by gushing over Joss Whedon's best film to date, so let's focus on something different, the negative. I want to explain where the other half-star could have came from.


While "Iron Man" and "Captain America" were well represented, the "Thor" and "The Incredible Hulk" movies were inconsequential to the plot. Thor shows up out of the sky to snatch Loki from the back of a moving jet. How did he know where Loki was? He admits that he thought Loki was dead, yet he came to earth to stop him from attaining the Tesseract. Who told him about this plot? They could have featured a scene with Thor and Sif with the Warriors Three getting the news from Odin. Asgard was the most beautiful setting among the recent Marvel films but we don't even get a glimpse of it in "The Avengers". It would have also been nice to see Asgard when Thor brings Loki to answer for his crimes. Given Thor's history, it's safe to assume that Loki outsmarted him and escaped upon arrival. Since the central macguffin of the story is the Tesseract, why not show what Odin did with it? The biggest disappointment with Thor's situation is the lack of Natalie Portman. She's the whole reason Thor gives a damn about earth, but all we get is a photo and a lame excuse from Nick Fury about why she's not there. My guess is that Portman was pregnant during the filming, but they still could have filmed a pick-up scene before the movie was released.

So what did I think about The Hulk's storyline? Dusty smash. Where was General Thaddeus and Betty Ross? Betty should have been working in the lab on S.H.I.E.L.D's helicarrier. The General should have had a scene with Black Widow explaining the whereabouts and dangers of Bruce Banner. In fairness, I doubt anyone remembers what happened in "The Incredible Hulk" seeing as it's now four years old. Also, while it was a commercial success, it was just a mindless blob compared to Ang Lee's "Hulk" in 2003. There's a scene at the end of the "Incredible" version that depicts Banner transforming into the hulk and grinning. This, I suppose, was there to indicate he would be able to control his actions as The Hulk from now on. Sure enough, at the end of "The Avengers" Bruce hulks out at will with full control over his actions. No explanation is ever given for why The Hulk tears up the helicarrier in an effort to destroy Black Widow. If I was her I would've been pretty pissed at him later on when he controlled himself with little effort. Despite these failures, I think Mark Ruffalo is the best Bruce Banner yet. His disarming personality is the perfect contrast to the raging Hulk.


Who dem aliens? If you had paid close attention you'd know that they're the Chitauri. This raises an important question. What the hell is a Chitauri? The movie doesn't really explain. It doesn't even say how they met Loki and formed an alliance. From what I could tell they lived on a small planet with no natural resources. Are they organisms? Machines? Cyborgs? Where the hell were they hiding the big wormy dragon creatures? Now that Iron Man nuked them, are there any left? We don't get a glimpse of them after the defeat, unless you wait until after the credits. For the main movie though, they were only there to get beat up.

A brief question for Iron Man, where the hell was James Rhodes? I'm sure Don Cheadle or Terrence Howard could have made an appearance. Apparently Marvel thinks any black actor could play Rhodes so they could have gotten someone else. The character is supposed to appear in "Iron Man 3" so why not in "The Avengers"? In "Iron Man 2" he actually put on the War Machine suit and helped Tony Stark defeat Ivan Vanko. You would think War Machine might come in handy during this mission. If not, you could at least have Rhodes consulting with Nick Fury on strategy.

Has Marvel given up hope on The Wasp and Hank Pym? There were rumors of giving them their own feature film before "The Avengers" so that they could take part. That never materialized, but they could have at least made a cameo. Instead of Iron Man guiding a nuke through the portal, Hank could have made himself a giant and simply tossed it through. It would have been great to see him swatting aliens like flies.

The movie needed more romance. The aforementioned Wasp and Pym storyline would have went a long way. Tony Stark has Pepper Potts, but we really needed Betty Ross and Jane Foster to sweeten the pot. There is some tension between Hawkeye and Black Widow and exploring that would have added some much needed importance to their characters.

I, of course, loved the movie. I don't feel the need to explain why. The explanations I want are listed above. Yes, I know that my suggestions would have resulted with an extra hour of movie. I'm okay with that. I also wonder where the rest of the Marvel Universe hid out during the alien invasion. X-Men on vacation? Fantastic Four on a bender? Magneto would have been a huge help against bio-mechanical aliens.

One last question, which is really the most important. Where was David Hasselhoff?