Claustrofobia (2011)

Directed by Bobby Boermans
Starring Dragan Bakema and Carolien Spoor
Runtime 90min. - Unrated (Very Brief Nudity)
1 Star (out of 4)

Claustrofobia is now available on DVD.

When it comes to foreign language movies, horror attracts more Americans than any other genre. Casual movie fans tend to avoid anything with subtitles. "Inglorious Bastards" wasn't even a foreign film, but many Americans wouldn't watch it because of its subtitles. Horror movies seem to have immunity from this issue. Most of my readers have probably heard of Ringu, [REC], or High Tension, but how many of those same readers have heard of "Maria Full of Grace"? Probably not as many, which is a shame.



Many of the best foreign horror movies get an Americanized remake. In general, those remakes are totally awful. Horror aficionados get laughed at by their peers if they have American remakes in their collection. Even if the films don't get remakes, they inspire several substandard rip-offs.

Though it's more suspense than horror, "Claustrofobia" seems to be an inverted case of this phenomenon. Maybe this sort of film is new to the Dutch, but the U.S. is saturated with movies like this. You know the sort. A girl gets abducted from her home and wakes up alone in some cellar or abandoned building. During her stay, she'll be psychologically tortured and possibly physically harmed. All those who get near to rescuing her will perish at the abductors hands. At the end of the film, she'll get her sweet revenge. The only variables in these films are the killer's motives and his identity. Notice I say "his", because only filmmakers with creativity would consider using a female killer.

The motives in this case are fairly predictable. The opening scene features a boy and a girl playing in a morgue. I have no idea how they got there. It may have been explained, but apparently not in any memorable way. The young teens were examining an empty body freezer when the girl came up with a game. If the boy would allow her to lock him inside for 10 seconds, then she would let him kiss her and play with her coochie. "Coochie" is the anatomically correct term, so don't bother correcting me. Anyway, she locks him in the freezer. By the time he's done counting to 10, she's already left the building. It's left unclear whether he ever got to feel her lady parts.

With the motive established from the beginning, the only mystery left was the identity of the villain. This was actually a strong point of the film. During the early captivity scenes, the abductor is always wearing a Vader-like breathing mask. You know it has to be the kid from the morgue, but did he grow up to be a surgeon or apartment owner? Or maybe her best friend is the abductor? Probably not since we already established that girls aren't killers, at least not in bad movies.

My pulse quickened briefly when the kidnapper's identity was finally revealed. Unfortunately, that was at roughly the 20 minute mark. There was still over an hour of film left to suffer through. If the credits had rolled after 20 minutes I might have liked it more. Instead, we're left to witness every possible cliché play itself out.

I can't say that the acting was bad. Everyone seemed perfectly adequate. It's kinda hard to make a judgment on the acting when everything else was so atrocious. The only thing I really liked about the movie was Carolien Spoor. She's the lead actress/damsel in distress. Again, it's hard to judge her acting based on this performance, but she is a unique beauty. It's possible she has a bright future in the Dutch film industry.

For those planning to watch this film, don't worry, I didn't spoil any of the "twists". Though that term makes the plot seems more clever than it really is.