Slaughter Claus (2011)

 Slaughter Claus and Bi-Polar Elf #19 as portrayed by David Hawkins and Nelson Oliver respectively.

Visit Charles E. Cullen's website to purchase Slaughter Claus and other DVDs. 

http://www.cullenstudios.net/

 Directed by Charles E. Cullen

Unrated

Runtime 73 minutes

3.5 Stars (out of 4)

[Slaughter Claus premieres Thursday, December 8th 9:30PM at The Grandin Theater in Roanoke, Virginia]

I've been trying to think of a clever way to describe Slaughter Claus without making it sound so bad. I can't. It's the most atrocious, worthless piece of crap I've ever seen. Also, I loved every minute. If you've never seen a film by Charles E. Cullen before, then you can't really grasp the concept. It's like low-budget sketch comedy that middle-schoolers would post to youtube, except not as good.

Red State (2011)

Written and Directed by Kevin Smith

Starring Michael Parks, John Goodman, and Melissa Leo

Rated R

2.5 Stars (out of 4)

Red State is available on most V.O.D platforms as of 9/1/11

Expectations are a curse. My expectations for a horror movie directed by Kevin Smith were very high. Its possible that I would have enjoyed Red State more if I didn't know who it was directed by.

The movie starts by introducing us to three horny, foul-mouthed highschool students. Which is to say, it starts out like a typical Kevin Smith film. These three kids are absolutely worthless. They aren't evil, just jerks. One of the heathen has been texting with a prostitute who has sent him dirty pictures. He convinces his friends to drive out to this anonymous hooker's residence for some gang-bang action.

POM Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold (2011)

Written and Directed by Morgan Spurlock
3.5 stars (out of 4)

Morgan Spurlock likes rules. His work is a hybrid of social experimentation and documentary filmmaking. This style started in his critically praised directorial debut, Super Size Me. He subjected himself to a month of fast food, but there were rules. He didn't let himself consume anything that wasn't from McDonalds. He stopped exercising and made sure to limit the amount of distance he walked. Spurlock also decided that he would try everything on the McDonalds menu at least once, and when offered, he must accept the super size upgrade. I'm not sure that the effects on his physical health were surprising, but the film sure was entertaining.

The Conspirator (2010)

Directed by Robert Redford

Starring James McAvoy and Robin Wright

Rated PG-13

4 Stars (out of 4)

I'm sure the words "historical drama" don't stir excitement in many people. Let this be the exception. The Conspirator is a smart and gripping account of a grave injustice. As a disclaimer, my knowledge of this subject is lacking. It could be that all of these events have been exaggerated, altered or outright fabricated. I can only say that this film is brilliant from a cinephile's perspective. I do not know if historians will find it as brilliant.

The film is about the events surrounding Abe Lincoln's assassination. Specifically, its about a young lawyer who risks everything. His client is Mary Surrat, the mother of John Surrat who was a known conspirator in Lincoln's murder. She ran a boarding house where her son and John Wilkes Booth held secret meetings to plot against the president. When authorities couldn't locate her son, she was arrested instead.

Resurrect Dead: The Mystery of the Toynbee Tiles

Resurrect Dead is not a flesh-eating zombie flick. It’s more of a film-noir documentary that follows a team of average citizens using their noodles to solve a mystery.

The Toynbee Tiles started appearing in the early 80's. Most people ignored and walked over them without a thought. They appeared most densely in the Philadelphia area, but they have been spotted all over the East coast. If that's not enough to pique your interest, there are also Tiles in South America.  
The Tiles' main message consists of four lines that may change in wording, but are consistent in their message.

Cowboys and Aliens (2011)

Or is it more like this?

VS.